“Cigarettes & chocolate milk” got to me the 1st time I heard it. It was the year 2001 & my friend Alyssa had gone to see Tori Amos live & adored the opening act: a young attractive male (or self-proclaimed “Gay Opera Queen”) named RUFUS WAiNWRiGHT. She went to chat him up after the gig, bought the album, proceeded to rip mp3s of this song & “California” & sent them to me. It was love at first listen. “Poses” became one of my albums of the year & I think it’s still my favorite by him.
Practically from the start I’ve had the distinct impression that Rufus...like...KNOWS HOW I ~FEEL~. Maybe I’m tripping. I get this w/ others such as Morrissey. I mean, not that he knows how III feel. But. That we, like, feel the same stuff. I don’t know. Maybe it’s his voice? His lyrics? He’s really close to my heart...I’m serious. I love this man. I could repeat “I love him, I love him, I love him” a ton of times like @ the end of Björk's “Pagan Poetry”.
He’s from Montreal, right? I was there for a couple of days back in 2003. Well, the whole time I was like OMG MAYBE ~RUFUS~ HAS BEEN HERE!!!1 & whenever I turned a corner I was crossing my fingers hoping to run into him. I nearly peed my pants w/ excitement when I went to check my email @ some cyber café & they were playing his album. I wanted to approach the guys behind the counter & go “OMG DO U LUV RUFUS AS MUCH AS MEEE?” alas I was too shy at the time. Now I’d totally do it. I get excited when I find out people like Rufus. IF U LIKE RUFUS U R AUTOMATICALLY AWESOME KTHX.
His favorite restaurant is called Souen & it’s in the East Village in NYC, where he lives now. HE IS SO NY BTW. I read all these interviews & articles about him back in 2003-2004, I was obsessed 4 a bit there : P Around that time, once in therapy I was asked to draw how I felt & I drew him surrounded by darkness playing a grand piano w/rose on top. FYI apart from stick people & smiley faces I don’t draw, so it was kind of LOL : P
Also, recently I did this guided relaxation & @ one point you had to choose a place where you’d felt completely @ ease, @ peace, calm, safe, comfortable, etc. You know what popped into my mind INSTANTLY? A moment in a dream I had...w/ Rufus ♥ We were on a boat. A cruise or something? There were tons of ppl. Some ceremony? I remember running around then finding him. He hugged me. & it was one of the most beautiful feelings I’ve EVER experienced. A feeling so intense that my eyes moisten from the mere memory.
One of my very fav songs by him goes “Honey won’t you hold me tight? Get me through Grey Gardens tonight...”. It also starts off w/ a line from the film of the same name which goes “It’s very difficult to keep the line between the past & the present...y'know what I mean?” UM YES. But so does everyone, right.
I realize that last anecdote is totally “A veces pienso que lo mejor de mi vida está en mis sueños (Sometimes I think the best part of my life is in my dreams)”, the phrase I saw graffiti painted on the street outside Cali’s house back in March. But...it’s what I feel. "Shadows", too.
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