The band N.E.R.D...did you know that's an acronym for "No one ever really dies"? I love.
When I was 8 or 9, a film called "Little Buddha" came out. It's about a monk who travels to the US in search of his dead teacher & believes to find him reincarnated in a blonde haired little boy. Think baby Anakin Skywalker. That's probably where I learnt what reincarnation was. I had my mom take me to see it twice.
Yesterday I was talking with a guy who is also into spirituality. Moreso than me. He heard that the state you're in when you die matters somehow. As in mental state, emotional state. & that every time you go to sleep it's like a death & then waking up is like a rebirth (LOL LIKE THE NAME OF THE EVANGELION MOVIE "DEATH & REBIRTH"). Anyways the point was that it's good to fall asleep feeling serene & calm. I also thought to myself that going to bed feeling all nice & peaceful could be a precaution in case you die in your sleep. Like..once I heard someone say that they never parted ways with anyone while on bad terms (ex: you argued with a friend, want to tell them to fuck off & you want to leave immediately)...because...what if you never saw them again? I can't say I live by this principle, but it's one way of going about things...
Well...something really nice is happening in my life, something that seemed impossible. I still can't believe it. This afternoon I lay down to take a nap, & I had all the aforementioned stuff on my mind. I thought "What if I die in my sleep?" Thank god I'm not a hypochondriac or paranoid about dying...maybe even I'm the opposite, ha. But sometimes it happens, you know. Young people dying randomly. Like Brittany Murphy or Romina Yan. & you know...I felt that if I did die in my sleep, it would be ok. Because I would be departing...in peace? It was so weird. I have a LONG way to go before reaching inner peace...like most people. But I felt it. I had never felt that before. It was so nice.
This was one of my favorite songs during High School. Although I was a hell of a lot further from inner peace than I am now.
& if i die today
i'll be the happy phantom
and i'll go chasin'
the nuns out in the yard
& i'll run naked
through the streets without my mask on
and i will never need
umbrellas in the rain
i'll wake up in
strawberry fields every day
& the atrocities of school
i can forgive
the HAPPY phantom
has no right to bitch
woo hoo the time is getting closer
woo hoo to be a ghost
woo hoo every day we're getting closer
the sun is getting dim
will we pay for who we been
so if i die today
i'll be the happy phantom
& i'll go wearin'
my naughties like a jewel
they'll be my ticket
to the universal opera
there's judy garland
taking buddha by the hand
& then these seven little men
get up to dance
they say confucius
does his crossword with a pen
i'm still the angel
to a girl who hates to sin
woo hoo the time is getting closer
woo hoo to be a ghost
woo hoo every day we're getting closer
the sun is getting dim
will i pay? for who i been
or will i see you dear
& wish i could come back
you found a girl
that you could truly love again
will you still call for me
when she falls asleep
or do we soon forget the things
we cannot see?
- "Happy Phantom", Tori Amos
PS: It was impossible to write this entry without also hearing the classic line ♫ To die by your side is such a heavenly way to die ♫ from "There is a light that never goes out" by The Smiths.
Also
- "Little ghost", White Stripes
- "Miranda, that ghost just isn't holy anymore", The Mars Volta
- "To repel ghosts", Manic St Preachers
- Ghostland Observatory
- "Spirit they've gone, spirit they've vanished", Animal collective
- "The spirit is near", Devendra Banhart
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