You think you know, but you have no idea

On the song “Preaching the end of the world”, Chris Cornell begins by singing ♫ Hello? I know there’s someone out there who can understand & who’s feeling the same way as me ♫

Someone who can understand. “Misunderstood” is a very lonely feeling. Especially when it comes to things that are a big part of you/ your life/ your reality: interests, emotions, points of view, etc. This may be extremist, but there’s the question of whether it’s actually possible for 2 ppl to feel exactly the same or see something the same way. Situations, even objects. Have you ever been w/ a friend & wondered if that lamp looked the same to them as it did to you? Of course you can both describe it & your descriptions can be similar. But you’ll never REALLY know how it looks from their eyes. You’ll never be able to get into someone else’s head a la “Being John Malkovich”.

Either way it’s comforting to find you share things w/ others, isn’t it? Makes you feel less alone. This totally relates to a recent post I did called Music & Lyrics. When you find an artist has already felt what you’re feeling & put it into words. Alas the music we listen to is not usually made by the ppl we see every day. & it sucks when those around you “just don’t get it”. Perhaps this sounds like an adolescent discourse. But I think it can be a lifelong situation. Just that it’s more intense during teen years.

Often ppl tell you what to do, not to think so much, not to overreact, not to take this/that personally. Relax, it’s not a big deal, forget about it. But they don’t know what you’re feeling inside, which makes it easy to talk. Don’t get me wrong, I do these things: I tell my friends to chill out, I give opinions & advice. What else can a friend do? Just being there & listening is of UTMOST importance but it’s not always enough. Although I’ve also doubted the legitimacy of advice as a concept. What does the other person know? Who are they to give their view on a situation they aren’t a part of -or @ least not in the same way you are-, involving other people they sometimes haven’t even met? (1) Then again, sometimes it’s helpful to have an outsider’s unbiased point of view. To hear from someone not involved, whose emotions don’t interfere w/ their judgment.

This comes up in my mind linked to the idea of “Boy/ girl advice”. If you stop & think, it’s based on stereotypes, generalizations, the assumption that all boys/ girls are the same. Which is total bullshit. Yet boys/ girls/ ppl do have some common traits & behaviors. Otherwise Sociology & Psychology could not exist. But many ppl don’t believe going to sit w/ someone who will analyse them & talk about how they (the patient) feel.

However I believe in therapy. I do it, I enjoy it. Mostly bc it’s an outlet & it’s interesting. But yeah, I’m pro-therapy. & I often ask for boy advice. Sigh, so many contradictory ideas. It’s maddening sometimes. As though everything is true & makes sense, but so does the opposite notion.

What I originally wanted 2 say is that there are certain things where if the other person hasn’t gone through the same (although it’s never EXACTLY the same...), they just don’t understand. & if the other person can't make sense of your feelings or behaviors, this can create an impenetrable barrier. It can be painful, frustrating & sometimes powerful enough to tear the two of you apart.



A thought crossed my mind the other morning: maybe those of us who feel something really strong inside (2)...go through life looking for ppl w/ whom to share it...in hopes of being understood.
& -when the feeling is bad-, in some cases in hopes of finding someone who can take the pain away (or tell them how 2 do it (3)
& in hopes of being loved (regardless)? Or in addition. I don’t know.

There is a lot more where this came from & which I hope to expand upon in the near future.
But this is all for now. I hope it made sense

- You’ll never feel the heat that’s in this soul - “Never is a promise”, Fiona Apple
- Maybe you’re the same as me we see things they’ll never see - “Live forever”, Oasis
- Have you felt it? have you? I've felt it too... & so have you - “Poughkeepsie”, Devendra Banhart
- "This is my truth tell me yours", Manic Street Preachers
- "Do you feel the same?" - Silverchair
- "How does it make you feel?" - Air
- “It ain’t easy”, David Bowie
- “Walking in my shoes”, Depeche Mode
- "No one knows what it's like to be me", Manics (LOL THIS TITLE IS SO FULL OF EMO)
- I've been looking for a savior in these dirty streets Looking for a savior beneath these dirty sheets - "Crucify", Tori Amos

PS.
Based upon all this, it blows my mind that bands exist. That ppl can make art together. But since music is my thing I think of bands 1st. That a group of people can want to express the same thing & manage to agree on how to express it. Which of course means that first, they had to open up about what they wanted to express. Which is often based on their ideas, experiences, feelings. I THINK IT’S KIND OF MIRACULOUS, ACTUALLY.

(1) You can tell everyone about a fight you had w/ a friend & ask for advice. But nobody else knows what the relationship is like. You can explain, but it’s not the same. Am I making sense? I think this is why I tend to give many details (sometimes going overboard) when asking for advice. So ppl can get as clear a picture of the situation as possible.
(2) does everyone? It’s easy to say some people are one-dimensional & stupid or whatever, but are they really? I like to give them the benefit of doubt
(3) OR, WORST CASE SCENARIO: JUST SHARE IT & LIVE THE SAYING "MISERY LOVES COMPANY" LOL